When he thought of worldly things it gave him great pleasure,Autobiography, §8
but afterward he found himself dry and sad.
But when he thought of journeying to Jerusalem,
barefoot and eating nothing but herbs
and undergoing all the other rigors he saw the saints had endured,
he was consoled,
not only while thinking of them,
but also when he had ceased.
Yet he did not look at these differences,Autobiography, §8
nor did he stop to weigh them,
until one day his eyes were opened a little
and he began to wonder at this difference
and to reflect upon it.
Delight yourself in the Lord,Psalm 37:4-5
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
God was teaching him to recognize which voice was His by observing what remained after the feeling faded.
From this experience he derived not a little light,Autobiography, §8
and he began to think more earnestly about his past life
and the great need he had of doing penance for it.
Love ought to manifest itself more by deeds than by words.Spiritual Exercises, Contemplation to Attain Love
At Manresa, God gave him both profound illumination and crushing scruples—obsessive guilt over past sins already confessed. The cure was not better discernment, but obedience.
He began to have great changes in his soul.Autobiography, §21
Sometimes he was so out of sorts that he found no relish
in the prayers he said, nor in hearing Mass,
nor in any prayer he might make.
At other times just the opposite of this came over him
so suddenly that he seemed to have thrown off sadness and desolation
just as one snatches a cape from another's shoulders.
He resolved with great clarity never again to confess his past sins.Autobiography, §25
From that day forward he was freed from those scruples,
holding it for certain that Our Lord in His mercy
had wished to deliver him.
And behold, the Lord passed by,1 Kings 19:11-13
and a great and strong wind tore the mountains
and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord,
but the Lord was not in the wind.
And after the wind an earthquake,
but the Lord was not in the earthquake.
And after the earthquake a fire,
but the Lord was not in the fire.
And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.
As he sat there, the eyes of his understanding began to open.Autobiography, §30
Without having any vision,
he understood—knew—many matters,
both spiritual and pertaining to the faith and the realm of letters,
and that with an enlightenment so bright
that these things appeared to be something altogether new.
If he were to gather together all the helps he had received from GodAutobiography, §30
and all the things he had learned,
even adding them all together,
they would not equal what he received on that one occasion.
In all things love and serve.Common Jesuit saying, from Ignatius
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,Spiritual Exercises, Suscipe Prayer
my memory, my understanding, and my entire will—
all that I have and possess.
You have given it all to me;
to You, Lord, I return it.
All is Yours;
dispose of it wholly according to Your will.
Give me Your love and Your grace,
for this is enough for me.
Do not be conformed to this world,Romans 12:2
but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that by testing you may discern what is the will of God,
what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Pay attention to what lingers.
God speaks in the texture of desire.
A Prayer with St. Ignatius
Lord, teach me to discern Your voice
from the noise of competing desires.
Open the eyes of my understanding
that I may recognize what lingers—
the consolation that draws me toward faith, hope, love,
and the desolation that pulls me away.
Free me from disordered attachments
that I may choose always what most glorifies You.
Take all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, my will.
You have given it all to me;
to You, Lord, I return it.
Give me Your love and Your grace,
for this is enough.
Through the intercession of St. Ignatius,
who learned to find You in all things—
teach me to love in deeds, not words alone.
Amen.
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